My baby daddy abandoned my child – should I let him back in our lives?

Sis Dolly answers some of the burning questions from our readers.
My baby daddy is back

Question

I’m a 28-year-old mother of one. My baby daddy left when I was pregnant because he asked me to abort the baby, but I refused. He never supported our daughter, who is four years old now, until recently when he suddenly started to send money. He now says he wants to come and visit us.

I left him in Durban and moved to Jozi because I loved this guy so much and I didn’t want to have a breakdown every time I saw him. I never begged him not to break up with me, but instead I went to start a new life. The problem is, I think I still love him, and I don’t trust myself with him. He says he wants to do right by his child, but do you think he’s really changed?

Answer

You did the right thing for you and your daughter at the time and you should be proud of yourself. Your baby daddy was very selfish – even if he wasn’t ready to be a father, he had no right to tell you to terminate the pregnancy. The bond you have with him because he’s the father of your child will always be there but make sure it doesn’t confuse you and make you believe you still love him. If he says he wants to do right by his child, then let him. What you need to do is agree on the terms of his involvement with the child.

He should not come with unreasonable demands, or the expectation that being part of the child’s life automatically means being part of your life too. I think visiting your nearest family advocate office to draw up a parenting plan will benefit you. This will ensure that whatever is agreed on regarding the child’s care and contact is in black and white and can be made into a court order if necessary.

Epic Mommy adventures advises that, you should decide what is best for your child first, before your own relationship with the father. You always want to make sure that your child is surrounded by healthy relationships, as this affects their growing minds. Also come up with a plan, on how you are going to be dealing with this relationship.